Love After Bereavement: Missing Your Late Partner

Having someone to share your life with

If you have shared a good life with your partner, their absence will be hard to accept. Finding yourself alone after a lifetime of togetherness will be difficult and it will take a while for you to fully acknowledge that you are now single and living life as one, instead of two. Even if you’ve been anticipating this moment for sometime, coming to terms with the reality is hard. How long it takes to assimilate this new status is different for everyone. If it’s been a while, however, and you’re starting to miss having someone to share your life with, then maybe the time has come to think about dating again.

Feeling like the odd one out

Finding yourself in a room full of people when you’re used to being with your partner can be an isolating experience. There is nothing worse than feeling like a ‘spare wheel’ in a room full of couples, especially if the majority are strangers to you.

I recall only too clearly, the first time I went to a social gathering on my own after the loss of my husband. A friend from work had invited me to her home for some pre-Christmas drinks and insisted it would be good for me to get out of the house for a few hours. The other guests were strangers to me, and the only people I knew were the hosts who, although extremely considerate of the fact that I was on my own, were obviously busy with their other guests, as well.

I did make an effort to mingle but despite being determined to do my best, I found this quite difficult. I was not at all comfortable being on my own and was relieved to eventually make my exit.

It’s quite surprising how the simplest of actions become major accomplishments when you have to do them on your own, especially for the first time. Following this experience, I was determined to regain a degree of confidence and the self-assurance that comes with it and made up my mind that the time was right to meet someone new and to start dating again.

The right time to reach out to other singles

It is hoped, in time, that the opportunity to meet someone new will come along and with it the potential to move on. How you go about doing this is a major decision and one that will need plenty of forethought. Ideally of course, meeting an interesting stranger while out walking the dog or queuing in a supermarket would be wonderful, but exploring other options could also have a happy outcome.

Joining Meet-Up groups or other socially driven events can be a good source, as are holidays/vacations specifically organised for singles. Here, at least you get to meet others who are also looking to make new friends. Sharing common ground makes life much easier in the early stages, although it’s important not to give too much away until you get to know someone fairly well. A little intrigue can be an attractive quality!

Once you start to make friends with other singles, it is inevitable that you will find yourself comparing character traits and the general characteristics of your late partner. This is to be expected and is a consequence you must try to avoid. Most of us have shortcomings and it is probable that you, too, will be compared to others. When you do decide to start dating again, but find yourself frequently thinking about your late partner, it may be that now is not the right time to be meeting other singles.

If you have come to terms with your decision to look for a new partner and the prospect of dating again, ask yourself what characteristics you are looking for. Maybe your late partner was not very interested in sporting activities and someone who might share your enjoyment of playing tennis, for example, could help you to come to terms with someone new sharing your life.

Summary

Missing your late partner is hard. Deciding the time is right to date again, however, could be a significant moment, when you recognise a new path of discovery ahead of you. You have now, the opportunity to find love again. Hopefully, with confidence, you can realise your full potential and this could lead you in a very different direction to the one you had been used to. While this does not take away the love and respect you had for your late partner, it will hopefully help you to begin a new chapter.